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latest new jokes (3/4/08)

New Doctor

A woman went to the doctor's office. Where she was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?

 

Santa in Train

Santa was traveling in a train. The ticket collector came and asked him to show his ticket.
Santa politely asked, "Which one should I show, the one in my right pocket or the one in my left pocket?"
The T.C. was taken aback. He then said, "Show me the ticket in your right pocket."
Santa promptly showed the ticket. It was perfectly in order. The T.C. then asked for the reason for buying two tickets.
Santa explained, "If someone picks one pocket then I have the other ticket left."
The T.C. asked again, "Suppose someone picks both your pockets, what happens?"
Santa said with a smile, "I have a concessional monthly pass also."

 

BanTrain on platform!

ta is standing on platform no.1 waiting for the punjab mail to arrive. There is an announcement "Passengers to note.. Train no 234 dn Punjab mail from New Delhi will be arriving on `platform` no.1 shortly."
Hearing this Banta gets panicky..He immediately picked up his baggage, jumped on to the railway track and stood there..

New Jokes on 26/03/2008

जुर्माना
कॉलेज के पहले दिन, प्राचार्य महोदय ने छात्रों को कॉलेज के नियम समझाये - ''कोई भी लड़का लड़कियों के हॉस्टल में नहीं जा सकेगा। इसी प्रकार कोई भी लड़की लड़कों के हॉस्टल में नहीं जा सकती। इस नियम उल्लंघन करने पर पहली बार 100 रूपये जुर्माना भरना पड़ेगा। दूसरी बार पकड़े जाने पर 200 रूपये जुर्माना भरना पड़ेगा। इसी प्रकार यदि तीसरी बार पकड़े गये तो 1000 रूपये जुर्माना अदा करना होगा। किसी को इस बारे में कुछ पूछना है ? एक लड़के ने हाथ उठाया और पूछा , ''पूरे एक सत्र के लिये क्या देना होगा सर ?''

 

कारण
एक युवक नौकरी के लिये आवेदन पत्र भर रहा था। जब वह इस प्रश्न पर आया ''क्या आप कभी गिरफ्तार किये गये हैं ?'' उसने लिखा '' नहीं'' अगला प्रश्न (जो उन लोगों से सम्बन्धित था जिन्होंने उक्त प्रश्न का उत्तर हां में दिया है ) था - ''कारण ?'' युवक ने उसके सामने लिखा - ''कभी पकड़ा नहीं गया'' ।

दूरी
एक आदमी को हाइवे के बीचोंबीच सफेद पट्टियां पोतने का काम दिया गया। पहले दिन उसने छ: मील तक पुताई की। अगले दिन तीन मील और उसके अगले दिन मात्र एक मील की ही पुताई की। जब उसके ठेकेदार ने उससे इसका कारण पूछा तो उसने जवाब दिया - ''मैं इससे ज्यादा और जल्दी काम नहीं कर सकता। हर अगले दिन मुझे अपनी रंग की बाल्टी तक आने के लिये ज्यादा दूरी तय करना पड़ती है।''

Naye Jokes Hindi me

चार आदमी काफी हैं

चार आदमी बंता की सास को पीट रहे थे। बंता चुपचाप सामने खड़ा देख रहा था। उसे इस तरह खड़ा देखकर संता से नहीं रहा गया।

वह बंता से बोला - क्या तुम मदद के लिए नहीं जाओगे?

संता बोला - नहीं, चार आदमी काफी हैं।

 

 

पकड़ के रखो
एक शराबी ने एक दिन कुछ ज्यादा ही पी ली। लडखड़ाते कदमों से किसी तरह घर के दरवाजे तक पहुंचा और जेब से चाभी निकालकर ताला खोलने की कोशिश करने लगा।
नशा ज्यादा होने की वजह से वह चाभी को ताले में डाल ही नहीं पा रहा था। चाभी कभी इधर हो जाती कभी उधर । उसे परेशान होते देख पास ही खड़े एक व्यक्ति ने उसकी मदद करनी चाही ।
पास आकर बोला - लाओ चाभी, ताला मैं खोल देता हूं।
शराबी बोला - नहीं, नहीं, ताला तो मैं खोल लूंगा। तुम तो बस जरा दरवाजे को पकड़ के रखो।

कमीज के अन्दर
एक शराबी और उसकी बीबी रात को सो रहे थे। आधी रात को अचानक पति की चीख सुनकर पत्नी की आंख खुल गई। उसने पति से पूछा - क्या बात है ?
पति बोला - कुछ नहीं, मेरी कमीज नीचे गिर गई थी।
खीझ कर पत्नी बोली - तो इतनी जोर से क्यों चीखे ?
पति बोला - उस कमीज के अन्दर मैं भी था ।

Jokes For Today

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

 

Proper manners?

During one of her daily classes, a teacher, trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite."

"What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better" she said, "but it's still not very nice to use the word bathroom at the dinner table."

"And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
I would say, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to go shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I look forward to introducing you to right after dinner."

The teacher was speechless.